*what's written below is not directed at or written about any one person in particular... it is just my personal thought process as I compare my life before motherhood to the present*

Someone was asking me why I've been slacking with the personal posts lately. And it got me thinking...

Before I had Harper I was the queen of blogging about myself, things I like, where I traveled what I did, unending photos of myself.

But something happend after Harper was born... 

To be frank... I think the narcissism faded.

I would always read other photo blogs where the photographer blogged more photos of themselves than their actual work and even back then I cocked my head to the side and wasn't quite sure what I thought about that. It bothered me somewhat but it also inspired me in a way. 

My questsion is: what is it with society and celebrity? Why do most of us want to be noticed or uniquely revered?

I am just as guilty as the rest at this but I still question it. What makes us want to make a name for ourselves? Is it insecurity in who we are, or maybe not really knowing who we are? Or maybe loving ourselves a bit too much?

 If so, then is this desire to be noticed and held in high regard healthy for that mindset?

 One of my favorite songs right now is Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes and Im loving this verse right now:

I was raised up believing

I was somehow unique

Like a snowflake, distinct among snowflakes,

Unique in each way you can see.

But, now, after some thinking, I'd say I'd rather be

A functioning cog in some great machinery,

Serving something beyond me

I can't say why my narcissim has faded with the birth of my daughter. Maybe its becasue I am reminded of what it means to serve someome/something without hesitation, or maybe my priorities have been forced to change away from myself. 

I often hear from different sources, usually outside the circles I run in, that we should put ourselves first. Haven't you heard this? "Don't forget to put yourself first"!

Now, I do understand the intent behind this statement is most often meant for good and I do know that being a mother can be so taxing at times, but I have issue with the essence of that statement, not only when aimed at mothers but when aimed at any relationship.

Since when has any good come from putting yourself first all the time? YES, taking a break from the difficulties that surround us on a daily basis as mothers, wives, sisters, friends and doing something kind for oursleves is MANDATORY to sanity.... but taking breaks is not what I'm talking about.

Im referenceing the idea that we as a society should first think of ourselves in relationships.

See, to me, if you think of someone else's well being first, they will most often eventually do the same back to you. It is a circle that over time brings the most fullfilling balance to life.

I know there are times when the person you are putting first does not do the same back, and that may not be a healthy environment to be a part of.

This of course is just my opinon and one that I am not perfect at living out (or even close), however since my daughter has come into the picture I'd say I enjoy a deeper understanding of servanthood, and with that, a natural decrease in unhealthy vanity.

 However, as usual, here's the amendment to the above thoughts...

I still LOVE sharing my life and the blessings I am so lucky to have, I still LOVE sharing my travels, I LOVE sharing my inspirations, I LOVE sharing my art, I LOVE sharing my personal goals and hopes and dreams. Why shouldn't we share the beauty that surrounds us?

My husband and I actually DO blog about those things on our personal blog that is slightly more private than this one.

So I don't know exactly what that balance will end up becoming on THIS blog... OR in life, but I do know I want to focus on other faces for a while.

I want to highlight what it means to live for, advocate, bless, encourage and truly love... someone other than myself.

particularly these two faces...

anyone else thinking or feeling the same?

Am I crazy?